For Better or Worse...
Its 3:50 in the morning. I listen to the rain above my roof, the raindrops trickle sexily down the windows of my sun-room taking me back to time where nothing ever made sense in life.
Childhood is actually deceptively hard - politics of the school, bickering parents, cruel kids, strict teachers, loads of homework, and of course the stupid dating and the lousy aftermath. It's hard to be a kid. Every day you have a million questions and your only course of action is to save them up and then ask an adult - why? why? because why? how come?
But perhaps being an adult is harder still; life continues to present you with an infinite amount of questions, but this time around, there's no one to ask why. In fact, you learn quickly that sometimes there is no why, no how come. It just is. And there's nothing you can do about it.
At times I feel like screaming out so loud that the voices in my head are heard not just to me.May be I am just a coward or too naive to do that.
Why do people come and go? I hate it when people come in and I hate even more when they walk out. Yes I still support the idea or believe in the concept of free will. I would never stop and ask WHY. You want to leave you are free to go. But just remember when you are walking out you are just crushing a part of me which can never come to life again.
I totally dislike this cliche about life giving and life taking away. I don't think there is actually a replacement for anyone. Everybody has there own share when it comes to love and loss.
Just like Daddy says 'IT IS WHAT IT IS'.
And finally, A worse thing happened, and so did something good. Now I believe they exist simultaneously, even if it seems incongruous. I walked out of love, shattered but alive. My life goes on, love & happiness, loss & grief, all of it together in a jumble that's hard to decipher sometimes. I'm still trying to figure it out. And I'm think I'm lucky. Not just because I still have some people, but because for a time I had...
P.S. I am not sad sad sad or depressed. In fact I am happy... All thanks to my miel. I am just trying to clean out all the rusting thoughts from my stupid mind..
4 comments:
Hmmmm..
Socho to kehne ko bahut kuch hai.
Samjho to kehne ko kuch bhi nahin.
Nice post. Thanks for sharing.
i could relate to everything you wrote...
this one totally got to me!
so true, sometimes, there are no answers. or maybe, we just don't try to search for them because we're caught in this whirlwind of adult life, w/ so many other things going on.
i feel like as a kid, i had more time on my hands to ponder over certain people/situations, n let it engulf me and not worry about how its affecting other aspects of my life. i still do analyze things, but now, i just have to get on the ball of 'getting on with life'. and its all about how i balance things and dedicate time to each aspect of it. pondering, wondering, working, laughing, living.
awesome post! i assume a lot of ppl can relate! :)
great one machi! surely many people can relate to it. No matter what happens in life, we always come out shattered but stronger!!! Its our experiences that make us unique and what we are! Never regret who you are, just be proud of yourself, like i always am of you!!! Love u loads!
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